This time last year I made some goals.
I’m sorry to report that I accomplished none of them.
Yeah, that whole “I’m going to start running” thing didn’t last very long. I wanted to lose a lot of weight in my 35th year . . . and instead, I’m pretty sure I gained the amount that I wanted to lose.
I have a lot of excuses, you know.
And, to be honest, I’m tired of them.
I turn 36 tomorrow. I’m quite certain that I must still be 23. I mean, really . . . where did these years go? How on earth does it go so quickly?
I remember vividly the night before I turned 20. Kristy and I stayed up almost the entire night practicing saying “twenty”. It was a new decade – I wasn’t a teenager anymore – my age didn’t end in “teen”. And I was excited about it.
Is it too late to take that back?
I wonder what that soon-to-be twenty year old would think of this soon-to-be closer-to-40-than-to-30 year old. Would she be disappointed? Would she be proud? Would she be surprised? Would she be mortified?
(I think she’d eat fewer oreos.)
I think she’d be all of the above.
A mixed bag of regret and triumph.
Ain’t that how it goes?
I can’t help but think about what I can do right now to have more triumphs than regrets when I look back 16 years from now. When my oldest is 21. When my youngest is 18.
What will they have to say about me? What will I have to say about me?
There comes a time when I guess you have to accept that life is flying by. When there’s no denying the wrinkles and the slower metabolism and the fact that more and more people refer to you as “ma’am”. There comes a time when you still have a chance to turn things around if you need to – but know that that chance is fleeting. To still have a say in how things turn out in the end.
I suppose every decision is a “say in how things turn out”.
Whether that decision is an action or an attitude.
I want this year to be a year of making things better – for myself – for my family. I want this year to be one of absolute intentionality. And I want this year to be fun.
Because nobody looks back and says, “I wish I hadn’t had so much fun.”